Who Forted? Magazine

Want to Go to Mars? Privately Funded Mission Recruiting Astronauts This Year (But You Better Like Reality TV)

Hopeful space-farers will get their (slim) chance of becoming some of the first humans to step foot on Mars in 2023. But be forewarned.. this is a one way trip, and you better enjoy Honey Boo Boo.

Mars One, a not-for profit organization with the ambitious goal of putting a human settlement on Mars in the next decade, has recently announced that their astronaut selection program will commence within the first part of this year. If you’ve ever wanted to be an astronaut but couldn’t get your foot in the door with NASA, now might be just the opportunity you’ve been waiting for.

What makes a good Mars colonist? Well for starters, they’re looking for folks as close to 18 years of age as they can get. After all, they’re anticipating that by the time an 18 year old landed on the red planet they would be 28 years old. The qualification list offers a glimpse into the five most desirable traits for the mission, but Mars One puts particular emphasis on “self reflection”. Probably because once you reach your destination, you’re there to stay.

“In spaceflight missions, the primary personal attributes of a successful astronaut are emotional and psychological stability, supported by personal drive and motivation. This is the foundation upon a mission must be built, where human lives are at risk with each flight.

Once on Mars, there is no means to return to Earth. Mars is home. A grounded, deep sense of purpose will help each astronaut maintain his or her psychological stability and focus as they work together toward a shared and better future.

Mars One cannot stress enough the importance of an applicant’s capacity for self-reflection.”

If you think you might like the simple life, growing vegetables in a tent on a space farm with half a dozen other people, expect some stiff competition. Literally.

If you make it to round three of the qualifiers, you’re going to end up on a glorified reality show doing competitions against other hopeful rocketmen (and women) while the whole thing is broadcast on television. The best part is, and I’m not even joking, the audience will get the pick the astronauts.

This round is the national selection round, which could be broadcasted on TV and internet in countries around the world. In each country, 20-40 applicants will participate in challenges that demonstrate their suitability to become one of the first humans on Mars. The audience will select one winner per country and Mars One experts will select additional participants to continue to round four.

So if you do well on Mars’ Got Talent, get excited, because you’re going to the world championship where you’ll star in Road Rules: Rocket Ship and, if you aren’t voted off the desert simulation, eventually Real World: Red Planet, where your space farming/fixing/or fucking will be broadcast 24/7 for that sweet, sweet advertising cash.

I’m only sort of joking, but that’s pretty much how it works. You can read all the details about the entire process at the Mars One website, including where to apply and when to tune in.

My only question is this: what does it say about the state of NASA funding when the only plan to get men on Mars is going to be paid for by reality television?

Greg Newkirk

Greg Newkirk

Senior Editor at Who Forted
Documentary film-maker, professional monster chaser, and mystery monger, Greg is the senior editor for Who Forted? 'Zine. When he's not occupied by writing about the wide world of the weird, he's busy directing and editing documentary films like The Bigfoot Hunter: Still Searching or writing about offbeat travel for Roadtrippers. He's currently in production on his new project: an original documentary web series titled Planet Weird. He currently lives in Cincinnati.
Greg Newkirk
Greg Newkirk

2 Comments

  1. stephen page

    01/19/2013 at 5:09 PM

    Dear sir how are you going bulding a tv sataion in plant mars is hard feel this if asront get be 18 year old go mars is hard haveing kind of age but teenage has naver become younger Astonut but is hard buld city or subway tain in mars i had no idea how put millon people there ?

  2. Rahul kumar shahdeo

    02/04/2013 at 6:15 AM

    Hello sir I am from India. I complete my diploma engineering I want to go in mars mission so please give me one chance my contact no is [deleted]

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