Who Forted? Magazine

Plague of Unexplained Hairballs Is Strange Mystery for Texas Campus

mysteryhairballs

There’s a bizarre mystery afoot on the campus of the University of Texas: odd balls of hair are confounding students, annoying janitors, and stumping everyone who tried to figure out where they’re originating.

In her twenty five years on the custodial staff at the UT, Linda Houston says she’s never seen anything like the hairballs.

“I don’t know where it comes from, and I don’t know how it gets here,” she told The Daily Texanadding that the strange appearance of the hairy anomalies started happening gradually over the past semester. She believes the hair to be of human origin.

The case puzzled freshman Zachary Adams so much that he launched his own investigation of the matters when he kept hitting roadblocks with the faculty?

..My efforts were stifled by the apathy and unwillingness to cooperate of individuals whose help I sought. In response to messages I sent out to professors involved in analytical biology, one professor even had the audacity to reply, “I’m not sure why you feel this topic is important enough to get people to spend time on it.” The more effort I put into my inquiries, the more I realized I was alone in my desire to free our custodial staff from this burden

Like a bad toupee, it reeks of a cover up.

Some students claimed the hairballs were the result of the floor cleaning machines’ brushes breaking off, but Adams’ own curiosity proved that theory wrong when he actually took the time to monitor the brooms himself. He found that “the hairs did not resemble the fibers of the cleaning machine”, but wondered if the device might be spinning stray lint into fuzzy orbs and spewing them into the building every which way. Houston disagreed.

“That’s not lint. We’ve always had dust bunnies, but this is hair! That buffer doesn’t do that. I can be down there, and I turn around, and there it is! But I really don’t know.”

With no one but the janitors and Adams to take the matter seriously, it appears that for now, the case of the anomalous hairballs is to remain a mystery. Here’s hoping they don’t start attacking people when it’s too late.

Where could the weird hair be coming from? Any ideas on how to deal with the University of Texas’ bizarre new problem? Send us your ideas on Facebook, on twitter @WhoForted, or leave them in the comments below!

Greg Newkirk

Greg Newkirk

Senior Editor at Who Forted
Documentary film-maker, professional monster chaser, and mystery monger, Greg is the senior editor for Who Forted? 'Zine. When he's not occupied by writing about the wide world of the weird, he's busy directing and editing documentary films like The Bigfoot Hunter: Still Searching or writing about offbeat travel for Roadtrippers. He's currently in production on his new project: an original documentary web series titled Planet Weird. He currently lives in Cincinnati.
Greg Newkirk
Greg Newkirk

15 Comments

  1. XDisk

    04/18/2013 at 2:45 PM

    Looks like someone “mowed the lawn” to me.

    Perhaps Texas is finally catching up with the clean shaven fad. \|/

    • Greg Newkirk

      04/18/2013 at 2:46 PM

      Everything is bigger in Texas.

      • alanborky

        04/20/2013 at 5:34 PM

        “Everything is bigger in Texas.”

        Ye’ includin’ the dickheads!

    • Daniel X

      04/18/2013 at 8:46 PM

      Yeah, this is pretty obviously some silly frat/sorority joke. Ew @ handling a bunch of people’s pubes like that!

  2. Aimee

    04/18/2013 at 3:19 PM

    Wow…Zachary Adams is going to the wrong school! I work at a college, and if he had brought this mystery to one of our professors, I’m fairly sure one or more of them would have eagerly jumped at the chance to help…even if it only served as a teaching opportunity on how to debunk weird crap.

    • Greg Newkirk

      04/18/2013 at 3:27 PM

      They’re going to stick him in the basement and start calling him “Spooky Adams”.

  3. Henry

    04/18/2013 at 3:25 PM

    Surely there must be some biology student capable of analyzing the hairballs.

    At the very least they could rule out an attack by giant cat people.

  4. KM

    04/18/2013 at 4:21 PM

    “Like a bad toupee, it reeks of a cover up.” Classic.

  5. Michael Verselle

    04/18/2013 at 6:49 PM

    tribbles!

  6. missy

    04/18/2013 at 11:55 PM

    It looks more like some very juvenile college students are cutting off their pubic hair and throwing it aroung when no one’s looking- just saying.

  7. Les

    04/20/2013 at 10:43 AM

    The clumps could be from SmartGrow hair mats. Hair salons and barber shops in China collect hair trimmings and sell them to SmartGrow. The hair is washed, chopped and processed into mats that are rolled onto garden beds in place of bark mulch. I looked into these about two years ago since they are supposed to enhance plant growth as well as repel rabbits and deer. I’m guessing these clumps come from
    the mats since the hair is black and looks like it has been chopped and compacted. A prankster’s probably been picking the mats apart then scattering them indoors or maybe the mats are getting chopped up in lawn mowers then somehow tracked into buildings.

    The hair fibers would look like the Zachary’s images if you broke the mats up:
    http://www.triplepundit.com/2009/05/smart-grow-is-a-big-hairy-deal-for-gardenersaiand-for-oil-spill-remediation/

    Zachary should ask someone in the gardening department or ask around at local gardening shops to see if anyone’s been using them. Someone in the CSI/forensic department might find it interesting and be willing to compare his samples with a human hair sample.

  8. alanborky

    04/20/2013 at 5:43 PM

    Greg could they be by any chance for making hairball tea?

  9. JillV

    04/25/2013 at 2:41 PM

    some really hairy guy is getting his body hair shaved and is throwing it out his dorm window.
    that’s some really long looking pubic hair. I vote it’s some kind of body hair, but more along the line of a guy who is part sasquatch.

  10. Cherie

    05/01/2013 at 7:40 AM

    Tribbles?

  11. Jason Fernandes

    09/02/2013 at 2:06 AM

    Hello,
    I went to the University of Texas (Graduated about 6 years ago) and I can think of one professor who would get a kick out of investigating this. His name is Professor Coker and he taught a class in pseudoscience. I took his class and absolutely loved it. Somebody get this story to Professor Coker!
    Jason

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